Wednesday, 29 January 2014

Blog Your Heart January 2014

Life is a funny thing. I have been really feeling like it is Groundhog Day around here. I haven't been getting much crafting done and I just haven't felt the need to blog. I was very pleased to see Stephanie Howell's post.

BYH // via 
I love reading the contributions to this thread and an honest reflection of how life is going for us all out there. Please read her post for an outline of the rules. I warn you this post may be more than a little down sounding but that is my reality right now. Life isn't always rainbows and unicorns.

Life is rough at the moment. I feel like our lives are on hold and that we cannot do anything because so much of our future is uncertain. I do know that my lovely husband has been moved to a new department and I have never known him to be so unhappy in the 12 years we have known each other. My husband who is never without a smile is sad and exhausted and frustrated and there are no smiles...sometimes for days at a time. We knew the change would be a challenge but it was not supposed to be this hard. I miss my happy husband.

How he used to look

Miss Three starts full day pre school in a week or so. This is so that I can look for work. The logical job for me to take would be a return to teaching, but it is over ten years since I was last in a classroom and so much has changed. I loved teaching when I did it but I was pretty burnt out when I stopped. Our family can not manage if I am working the 60 hour weeks that are the norm for teachers now. So if I teach it will have to be relief work until  MT is at school and settled. We could really do with the income and having holidays that match MT's makes a lot of sense. In honesty, my heart sinks at the thought of the assessment and planning and dealing with all the new standards that have come into play. If I could just teach, I would love it! In the meantime, I am looking for something in the insurance line, preferably part time. I am lucky that I have a choice of two industries but really in the long term I have no choice at all and I hate that.

This is what we need more of - not so much the food but the happiness

The countdown is on to my sister-in-law's wedding. MT and I are going back to New Zealand for nearly a month which we are both really looking forward to. Hubby is only back for about 9 days so his trip will be a whirlwind of long drives, wedding preparations and catching up with friends and family. I am hoping that MT and I will have a much more relaxed time staying with my Dad for two and a half weeks before wedding madness begins. MT is beyond excited about being the flower girl at the wedding and now that we all have our outfits bought we can relax and look forward to the day.

The wedding will be by this lake but in a vineyard in early Autumn

I have made a real effort to eat better and exercise more this year. So far, the results have not been what I had hoped for. I know I have to push through and not give up but it is so frustrating when you have watched everything that has gone into your mouth and exercised and the weight loss is almost non existent. I have signed up for an online challenge and some of the women have made tremendous losses (e.g. 5 kg in a week). It is supposed to be motivating but it really makes me want to throw in the towel and eat cake.

A big part of me really wants to return to New Zealand at the moment. I know I could easily get a job there and it would be so nice to have more time with friends and family. The reality of my life here is that I do not have a single good friend. I realised if I went into hospital while Tet was away, there is not a single person I could call to look after MT. It is a horrifying thought. I just cannot seem to meet people that I really click with. I am at a loss as to how to meet people as I really do not venture far from home. My hobbies do not lend themselves to meeting people - both scrapbooking and reading are pretty solitary pursuits. I joined a Zumba class but that has ended and I didn't make any friends there anyway. I don't need dozens of friends but it would be nice to have someone who I could call up for coffee and a chat.

I have not been crafting (always a sign I am feeling pretty low) but I have taken up reading again and have remembered how much I love a good book. I have signed up to Good Reads and have been working my way through an enormous list of books. The library is my new best mate and I am reading three or four books a week which is great. Probably my favourites so far have been Burial Rites by Hannah Kent, The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton (NZ author who won the Booker Prize with this novel) and Divergent by Veronica Roth. I know I am a bit late to the Divergent train but I did really enjoy it. I don't generally enjoy sci-fi or fantasy but I found this story compelling.

It is the Year of the Horse starting on Friday.

Thanks for reading if you have made it this far. I could do with a lot more unicorns and rainbows but life is sometimes not all that happy. Fortunately, it is Chinese New Year this weekend so we have a 3 and a half day weekend together which I am really looking forward to. 

Not so many unicorns but we did manage reindeer

I would love to read your heart. I encourage you to link up to Stephanie's blog post and share the link here if you feel so inclined. Please check out the other links on Stephanie's blog. It is so therapeutic to get out some of the stuff that is hidden so much of the time.


  1. Oh Claire. ***HUGS***
    So sorry, life seems to be hitting you from all directions right now. Praying that your husband's work situation improves and he gets happier. Praying you find the right fit in a job too. Hope that the upcoming trip and wedding will lift your spirits too! All the best :) So glad you shared this instead of letting it sit on your heart.

  2. oh mate i am sorry to hear this...but i can so relate!!!
    you are at your job for so many hours a week if needs to be enjoyable!!! otherwise it is like a punishment!!! i hope Tet finds a better job, and or you find a job!!! but i am with you on the teaching part too!!!
    id love to just do relief teaching...without all that paperwork!!! but sadly the bills dont get paid that way!!!

    i also hope the trip home to NZ goes well and the time with family is good for ya soul xxxx

    and Gong Xi Fa Cai too xxxxxxxxxxx

  3. our lives seem never to go as planned. maybe you will meet someone at miss three's play school. maybe she will become a support for you. there may not be rainbows everywhere but i'm sure there must be a unicorn hiding somewhere. look around and you'll probably spot it. i felt your heart xx

  4. This is my first time visiting your blog. Thanks for your honesty and opening your heart.
    I have to say - your family looks like they have innate JOY. You just have to suffer through this series of storms to get to the next rainbow.
    I know how it feels to be friendless. What about a book club, craft/scrap class at a local store, pre-school mom's group, neighborhood block party, children's story time at the library?
    Take care,

  5. Oh Claire, I'm so sorry you're going through a hard time. They come and go, and I hope that very soon all family members will be on more even footing. We're going through a bit of a hard time as well, and it's nice to know we're not alone:)

  6. You know I hear you on the teaching thing. And in so much of the rest of it too. Let me just say this. It WILL get better. It always does. Sending you hugs and joy.xo

  7. Sending you hugs Claire - and I hope everything looks up soon xxx

  8. Hi from a new reader. Happy Year of the Horse! Good luck with your job search. I, too, was a teacher before I became a mom, and I know exactly what you mean about the workload. Have fun in NZ, when the time comes for your visit!

  9. Hi Claire - I realize this post is a couple of months old now, but I read through it. I hope that your trip to NZ was the breath of fresh air that you needed! And thank you so much for stopping by my blog yesterday and writing such a sweet comment. It really made me smile! :)