Blog my heart

The wonderful Stephanie Howell has put out the challenge to once a month blog in a really authentic way about how we feel. It is easy to leave out the hard parts of our lives and focus on the things we want to be or think people should see. Here I go...

• I have found being a mother while living away from friends and family a truly lonely time. I still struggle with often going for five days or more without speaking to anyone apart from Scarlett or shop staff. I thought being a mother would be an instant opening into social activities but sadly I have found many of them very cliquey and they make me more unhappy than spending time with Scarlett alone
• I am so grateful to be able to be a SAHM but I live for the day that Scarlett starts some pre school so I get a little bit of scheduled time to myself. Fingers crossed she will start three mornings a week next February
• I am disappointed in my inability to get any real exercise done and that I continue to go for the quick junk rather than the healthier option
• I wish I was a better mother to Scarlett. She deserves the best but, more than I like to admit, I am often grumpy Mummy
• I am so excited for my friend who has returned to the workforce this past week but am sad to see our weekly play dates end. The playdates will continue but her helpers will be there with her boys which is good for them and Scarlett but takes away my weekly adult contact time
• I am getting very excited about going back to NZ for Christmas but I am terrified about the ten hour flight back with Scarlett on my own. She has become increasingly likely to react to any limits with tantrums which is not a good look at 38000 feet on a night flight
• I wish I had the solace of faith. Neither my husband nor I have any religious belief and I think it must be wonderful to have that belief to aid you through the tough times. We have got through some very tough times without it though, so I guess we are more resiliant than I ever thought possible

• I would love to go back to work but I am scared I would not be able to do a good job anymore

That is pretty much what I am thinking about at the moment. It all seems so negative and I am generally pretty happy with the way our lives are at the moment but it feels so good to be honest about where things are at for me right now.